Now I write this knowing full well the risk of people thinking that "I'm a little out there", or "nutso" (as the Fonz would say) but it is true! True feats in life must be accomplished in spite of the naysayers, the non-believers, and the unenlightened. You cannot ridicule me with any real effect after all, I am married. I am used to it. Immune to it. Bring it on.
Speaking of marriage I have brought this up several times to my wife who, to her credit, does not simply run screaming in the other direction, drain our bank account, and then file for divorce. Her take on this is "well Allen, maybe the light was going to burn out anyway and it's just a coincidence". That is such a smarmy, wife type of thing to say by the way. However, I know that it is no mere coincidence. I have a mysterious connection that occasionally overtaxes the electrodes in high-pressure sodium bulbs. My apologies to any caretakers of grow houses I may have walked or driven by unintentionally, but hey, I did not know! There is no political motivation here. I have no control over this power, if I could figure this out and bottle it up the world would be my oyster, but alas, I cannot. I simply have 'The Power'. I am like Cyclops without the dark glasses, like an atom splitting outside of a reactor, dispersing generous amounts of destruction wherever I go.
I have tried to channel this power in other ways, and one day I just might get it. I feel like I have come pretty close at times. I've tried to mentally change traffic lights from red to green, stall the motors of jerks in traffic that cut me off, manipulate those stupid little ping pong balls during bingo night (Powerball won't work I don't think, I believe that proximity is a major factor), force the shirts up of ladies on the dance floor with a stare (this sometimes DOES work), flatten the tires of those who would swoop that parking space from me at the mall, all kinds of stuff. No real success, but just enough of a residual high from the 'attempt' to believe that it is there, I just have to keep trying. And I will, oh I will.
I have done my due diligence on this and researched the standard lifespan of a sodium bulb (high pressure, remember) to try to debunk this theory. The mean lifespan of a high-pressure sodium bulb is 24000 hours (thank you Google and the first link that I clicked on!) That is 1,000 days. 142.85 weeks. 2.75 years. So let us say that the average street has oh, 100 lamps on it. Let us say I pass roughly a quarter of them during my time on that street. Let us further say that I drive at night on an average of 37 streets. Let us also say that I've had at least three cups of coffee that day and need to use the restroom (since we are supposing, let us suppose, there could be a correlation!) So that would equal 3,700 lamps divided by 4 (25% remember), which comes out to 925 lamps a night I pass. Therefore, I have 925 opportunities to cause a bulb to burn out on a nightly basis. Let us further say that it takes 15 seconds between when I am in view of a street lamp in a moving vehicle until I have passed it. NOW we can do some math (and completely disregard the walking portion of this jumbled equation, along with rate of travel, light placement density, etc).
24000 hours / 15 seconds = 24000 x 240 (since 15 seconds x 4 = 1 minute and 60 minutes = 1 hour.) So that comes out to 5,760,000. Now also remember that I have 925 opportunities to do this so 5,760,000 / 925 = 6227. What that says is that this phenomenon should ONLY occur oh, every 17 years or so. Folks, that just ain't true. It happens to me at least on a weekly basis, and those are only the times that I NOTICE IT!
Therefore, the scientific mind can only concur that I have 'The Power'. At this point only a clueless fool could dispute it. My mental mojo is the electrical equivalent of the Bermuda Triangle. If anyone cares to debate this, well I am all ears. Just be careful not to get me too upset, or I just might get angry. Your streetlights would not like me when I am angry.
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