Wow, this has been an f'd up holiday. The dinner was nice, the presents and festivities fantastic thanks mainly to the efforts of my better half, but there was a death in the close family on the morning of Christmas eve...my Uncle in law Robert Fickle. He died driving the Santiam pass to get to Bend from Salem to support his sister's husband in his last hours as he was dying of cancer. He leaves behind a great wife Jenny that is also dying of cancer, he was only 52 years old.
This definitely puts a perspective on the whole holiday season. Now more then ever I'm reminded of how important it is to appreciate and celebrate the ones you love. As we get older I fear this story will become more common. Death is a way of life, not meant to overshadow life but to accentuate how precious and temporary it is. As I get older I find that what I have in my life means very little compared to who I have in my life.
Bless Uncle Bob and Jenny. Bless everyone that is in my life, and everyone outside of it as well. We are having a party tomorrow night and we will move forward and past the grieving in order to have another opportunity to celebrate those we love and care for, in this case all of our friends that will attend our Festivus celebration. However we will never forget Bob, we will never forget those that pass out of our lives because they all helped to shape it. Sometimes we just don't see the effect in time to appreciate it fully.
Friday, December 25, 2009
Thursday, December 24, 2009
Holiday Message
Whether Christmas, Hanukah, or Solstice you follow
Detach from the negative in which we all wallow
Whether you hang your stockings or bark at the moon
We should appreciate life, it is never too soon
The gift of a smile is more precious than gold
An ear or helping hand turns back the cold
For all of those deserving, and even those not
Live to the fullest, and anguish be forgot
Detach from the negative in which we all wallow
Whether you hang your stockings or bark at the moon
We should appreciate life, it is never too soon
The gift of a smile is more precious than gold
An ear or helping hand turns back the cold
For all of those deserving, and even those not
Live to the fullest, and anguish be forgot
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Why Santa is a bad influence on our kids
HO HO HO. Flying through the air giving toys to the good boys and girls. Yes, we've always kind of taken Santa for granted. After all he's a saint, right? Good ol' Saint Nick...cheery, altruistic, and magical. Well today I've decided to look a little deeper into this rotund and happy icon of the Christmas season, and I'm not really liking what I'm seeing...
What is he teaching our kids? How to be healthy, fit, and in shape? Hardly. He's grossly overweight, most likely from only getting up off of his ass like, once a year? I'm sure sliding down chimneys can be hard work, but there is a damn plate of cookies and a glass of milk at the bottom of most of them, you think he's burning enough calories to make up for this? The Reindeer do all the heavy lifting, and they get what, purina deer chow? And what about the red cheeks? A sure sign of an alcohol issue. Our kids are not learning anything positive from him here.
Okay, so he's giving toys to the good boys and girls. This on the surface seems like a kind act, but c'mon!! Who is he to judge 'good vs bad'? Are we following Christian doctrine here? What are the established core values? Santa's kind of full of himself if you ask me. He's teaching our kids to be judgmental, to take things at face value. After all, he's checking a damn LIST!! What type of in depth investigation is that?
Now to the Elves. They are the ones slaving 364 days a year making all the damn toys, and all the kids really want these days is money, ipods, and designer clothing! So at best this is a gross mis-allocation of resources. At worst he's running a damn sweat shop full of diminutive minorities! This is also what's known as the 'Oompah Loompah' syndrome. Take in a bunch of disadvantaged workers, give them three squares, an existence, and you get to look all 'fatherly' while exploiting them for labor and product. Please, he's a damn slave trader is what he is!
And what about this "be good and you'll get what you want for Christmas?" Since when does the world work like that? If you're an adult you have to scrape, sweat, and toil for the things you have in life, unless you're a kid and you have parents to maliciously exploit for material gain. And that's really the lesson here, isn't it? How about "Clean your room and mow the damn lawn and you'll get something you want?" Isn't that a positive, yet realistic message? Your boss at work could give a shit if you say your prayers every night and floss daily. They want results DAMMIT!! This message is just setting up our kids for future failure.
So I can only conclude that Santa is a farce, a negative idol, and pretty much a leech on society. It's time to move on from this archaic, outdated figure of the holidays and find something just a little more representative of the REAL spirit of Christmas. Someone that stands for hard work, being honest, and just plain putting their head down and getting the damn job done!!
What is he teaching our kids? How to be healthy, fit, and in shape? Hardly. He's grossly overweight, most likely from only getting up off of his ass like, once a year? I'm sure sliding down chimneys can be hard work, but there is a damn plate of cookies and a glass of milk at the bottom of most of them, you think he's burning enough calories to make up for this? The Reindeer do all the heavy lifting, and they get what, purina deer chow? And what about the red cheeks? A sure sign of an alcohol issue. Our kids are not learning anything positive from him here.
Okay, so he's giving toys to the good boys and girls. This on the surface seems like a kind act, but c'mon!! Who is he to judge 'good vs bad'? Are we following Christian doctrine here? What are the established core values? Santa's kind of full of himself if you ask me. He's teaching our kids to be judgmental, to take things at face value. After all, he's checking a damn LIST!! What type of in depth investigation is that?
Now to the Elves. They are the ones slaving 364 days a year making all the damn toys, and all the kids really want these days is money, ipods, and designer clothing! So at best this is a gross mis-allocation of resources. At worst he's running a damn sweat shop full of diminutive minorities! This is also what's known as the 'Oompah Loompah' syndrome. Take in a bunch of disadvantaged workers, give them three squares, an existence, and you get to look all 'fatherly' while exploiting them for labor and product. Please, he's a damn slave trader is what he is!
And what about this "be good and you'll get what you want for Christmas?" Since when does the world work like that? If you're an adult you have to scrape, sweat, and toil for the things you have in life, unless you're a kid and you have parents to maliciously exploit for material gain. And that's really the lesson here, isn't it? How about "Clean your room and mow the damn lawn and you'll get something you want?" Isn't that a positive, yet realistic message? Your boss at work could give a shit if you say your prayers every night and floss daily. They want results DAMMIT!! This message is just setting up our kids for future failure.
So I can only conclude that Santa is a farce, a negative idol, and pretty much a leech on society. It's time to move on from this archaic, outdated figure of the holidays and find something just a little more representative of the REAL spirit of Christmas. Someone that stands for hard work, being honest, and just plain putting their head down and getting the damn job done!!
Thoughts on playing cover music
So after the gig last night I got contemplative...what is different about playing other people's songs for money vs. playing your own stuff for money or not?
There's a vast difference. As far as ability goes, I haven't been able to experiment as much as I would have at other points in my life with new things, sounds, playing styles, and of course writing music. What I do gain is a pretty high level of proficiency with what I ALREADY KNOW...so I guess you would say my 'chops are sharp' (at least when I haven't had a few too many) but it's the same old, same old.
You feel some nights like a rock star, a full room and everyone being crazy helps this illusion, but other nights you see the reality a little clearer, you're a jukebox. Sure, as far as jobs go, it's a very fun job, but a job is what it is. There is definitely a part of me that struggles with this at times, feeling like a musician but not like an artist, if that makes sense. The majority of people in the joint are NOT there to see you, but to drink, dance, get laid, obnoxious, whatever. They can achieve these things regardless of who's in the corner on the small stage cranking out the tunes.
Writing music and playing it offers an outlet you just don't get in a cover band. Sure, a lot of time you're "playing to play", but those people are there to see you, to see bands, to have a great time checking out the music scene. When you get a crowd going it is 100% you that's doing it. That is something I miss alot.
Then there is song selection. You play a lot of songs that you aren't really fond of in the interest of filling (or trying to fill) the dance floor. There is a positive to this though. You are playing songs and paying attention to music you may have closed your mind to previously for whatever reasons. You are 'expanding your horizons' a bit, although dance rock only runs so deep ;). I would have thought that this would be hard, but it's actually easy most of the time. Once you're playing other people's songs, you tend to kind of not even notice the song or original artist very much. You don't think about it, you're in autopilot so to speak. That's the only explanation I have anyway for being able to play a Bon Jovi or Rick Springfield song without vomiting on stage. Take it or leave it.
So yeah, it's fun, you make some money, friends, get to watch drunk people be stupid a lot. It has it's ups and downs. I sure do miss the pay to play days though. I may have to get something going soon that involves creative brain, at least to avoid atrophy of the mind...
There's a vast difference. As far as ability goes, I haven't been able to experiment as much as I would have at other points in my life with new things, sounds, playing styles, and of course writing music. What I do gain is a pretty high level of proficiency with what I ALREADY KNOW...so I guess you would say my 'chops are sharp' (at least when I haven't had a few too many) but it's the same old, same old.
You feel some nights like a rock star, a full room and everyone being crazy helps this illusion, but other nights you see the reality a little clearer, you're a jukebox. Sure, as far as jobs go, it's a very fun job, but a job is what it is. There is definitely a part of me that struggles with this at times, feeling like a musician but not like an artist, if that makes sense. The majority of people in the joint are NOT there to see you, but to drink, dance, get laid, obnoxious, whatever. They can achieve these things regardless of who's in the corner on the small stage cranking out the tunes.
Writing music and playing it offers an outlet you just don't get in a cover band. Sure, a lot of time you're "playing to play", but those people are there to see you, to see bands, to have a great time checking out the music scene. When you get a crowd going it is 100% you that's doing it. That is something I miss alot.
Then there is song selection. You play a lot of songs that you aren't really fond of in the interest of filling (or trying to fill) the dance floor. There is a positive to this though. You are playing songs and paying attention to music you may have closed your mind to previously for whatever reasons. You are 'expanding your horizons' a bit, although dance rock only runs so deep ;). I would have thought that this would be hard, but it's actually easy most of the time. Once you're playing other people's songs, you tend to kind of not even notice the song or original artist very much. You don't think about it, you're in autopilot so to speak. That's the only explanation I have anyway for being able to play a Bon Jovi or Rick Springfield song without vomiting on stage. Take it or leave it.
So yeah, it's fun, you make some money, friends, get to watch drunk people be stupid a lot. It has it's ups and downs. I sure do miss the pay to play days though. I may have to get something going soon that involves creative brain, at least to avoid atrophy of the mind...
Saturday, December 19, 2009
For My Best Friend
Our blessed union
To be cherished forever
I am fortunate
Your beauty is all
A man can hope to achieve
Nothing out shines you
Little things matter
Now you give all of yourself
Brightening my life
Warmness in my heart
a feeling of belonging
You are the reason
Your bright eyes alive
with the wonders of our love
warms my lonely soul
Your understanding
soothes my deep and brittle heart
no one loves like you
You without question
are the light that shines my days
Darkness to heaven
To be cherished forever
I am fortunate
Your beauty is all
A man can hope to achieve
Nothing out shines you
Little things matter
Now you give all of yourself
Brightening my life
Warmness in my heart
a feeling of belonging
You are the reason
Your bright eyes alive
with the wonders of our love
warms my lonely soul
Your understanding
soothes my deep and brittle heart
no one loves like you
You without question
are the light that shines my days
Darkness to heaven
Keeping my head
Why can't I keep my head?
Escape is the hunger that feeds, pacify the heart that bleeds...
Why can't I keep my mind?
Dreams of tainted rainbows, takes me where ever the wind blows..
Why is my heart so black?
My own undoing strong and unstoppable, dissolve the hope that makes life imaginable...
Escape is the hunger that feeds, pacify the heart that bleeds...
Why can't I keep my mind?
Dreams of tainted rainbows, takes me where ever the wind blows..
Why is my heart so black?
My own undoing strong and unstoppable, dissolve the hope that makes life imaginable...
You can't change the past, but can you change the memory?
It is all perspective after all. One man's failure can be the seed that develops into a life changing force. We never truly know how our actions and deeds in life have affected others. Sometimes we are lucky enough to know the influence we have had on people, but more often we move forward in ignorance of the lives we've enriched, touched, and ruined by merely going along in our selfish manner.
How does a man look back upon his life and make those memories fond? A dorkish sort, long in smarts but not so versed in street cool, learning as he's stumbling through. That was me. Befriended by those that had major issues, yet that got me into the fray, playing the game although not with a clean reputation. Guilty by association, although drugs were never the defining factor in my life. Musically gifted, but lacking in the social skills to share my talents with a larger audience. Romantically adventurous but too many bad decisions would harden my heart to the point of not recognizing when a real good thing came along. I wouldn't know it if it bit me in the ass. Hard.
Now I want to make my mark on the world. Raising beautiful children, having a wonderful and lovely wife is not enough to erase the pain of wasted potential. I want to be remembered, not for some drunken noise that may pass for art to some, although my efforts here were among my best memories, but making a meaningful impact on the larger stage. Transcending genre and scope for the wide acceptance and recognition that is reserved for only a very talented and fortunate few.
My bi-polar trains of thought don't allow me enough proficiency to create a truly massive body of work. However I do have my moments of clarity, and I find them circling around more often than in the past. With a small effort I can enter this mode of art, writing, and perspective. My life from this point on is about discovering where my mind can take me, and how to recognize opportunity so as not to waste it. Potential is a terrible thing unless it is acted upon, yet most that reach heights have mostly luck to thank for it. There is an entire world full of talent and potential that will never be realized for whatever selfish, blind reasons. I seek to avoid this.
How does a man look back upon his life and make those memories fond? A dorkish sort, long in smarts but not so versed in street cool, learning as he's stumbling through. That was me. Befriended by those that had major issues, yet that got me into the fray, playing the game although not with a clean reputation. Guilty by association, although drugs were never the defining factor in my life. Musically gifted, but lacking in the social skills to share my talents with a larger audience. Romantically adventurous but too many bad decisions would harden my heart to the point of not recognizing when a real good thing came along. I wouldn't know it if it bit me in the ass. Hard.
Now I want to make my mark on the world. Raising beautiful children, having a wonderful and lovely wife is not enough to erase the pain of wasted potential. I want to be remembered, not for some drunken noise that may pass for art to some, although my efforts here were among my best memories, but making a meaningful impact on the larger stage. Transcending genre and scope for the wide acceptance and recognition that is reserved for only a very talented and fortunate few.
My bi-polar trains of thought don't allow me enough proficiency to create a truly massive body of work. However I do have my moments of clarity, and I find them circling around more often than in the past. With a small effort I can enter this mode of art, writing, and perspective. My life from this point on is about discovering where my mind can take me, and how to recognize opportunity so as not to waste it. Potential is a terrible thing unless it is acted upon, yet most that reach heights have mostly luck to thank for it. There is an entire world full of talent and potential that will never be realized for whatever selfish, blind reasons. I seek to avoid this.
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