The Sunday Morning Fuzzies...

Why can't I sleep past 7:30am no matter how late I go to bed? Is this part of getting old? Or being inescapably hooked on my workweek schedule? I don't know but it's damn annoying at times...




Random thoughts:



When people cross into the bullshit zone, they start to speak loudly. Why is this? Is this born from some belief that "If I talk over you, cut you off, and bludgeon you with my words, it gains me credibility"? Bullshitters always seem to talk loudly. It isn't helping your case man, we still think you're full of it, only now you are hella obnoxious as well.

Dave's Killer Bread really IS all that. Tear jerk story of a meth addict gone good seed aside, this bread is the bomb! We keep a loaf or two in the freeze just to have it around. It isn't the easiest stuff to find, it's only at Freddie's, Winco, and Costco as far as I can tell, but their main bakery AND outlet store is on International Way in Milwaukie, well worth the extra trip my friends!! I know more then a couple of people that don't live in the area that wish it were more available. I predict their sales will explode in the next year or two.

Playing poker with 8 people and only one deck of cards REALLY doesn't work all that well, unless you stick to low card hands like Hold 'em, Omaha...not that those games don't rock, they are my faves.  Stay away from seven card no peek though, the math just doesn't work out.  Five card draw can be a disaster also.

Coffee tastes SOOOO good the morning after drinking.

The way cats dominate dogs simply boggles my mind. In most every house where dogs and cats live together harmoniously, it's almost always the cat that is in charge. At least the female cats. At worst they have a pass to tromp through the scene with their own agenda, unfazed by the doings of the lower animals. The laws of physics do not support this outcome, the dog is larger and capable of having the little hair shedding shit for snacktime, but instead they defer to the feline. Is this the true order of things in nature? Is it because the feline brain is more advanced then the canine brain? Is it because dogs pretty much exist to please us (domesticated ones at least)? I don't know the answers, but it's funny as hell to watch sometimes. :)

The Oregonian (how far and how fast the mighty fall!) will not identify crime suspects by race. This is annoying. If I'm on the lookout for some rapist/killer that just did the deed in my neighborhood, I'd like to know if eyewitnesses reported them as white, black, hispanic, asian, whatever. I'm a big boy and I can handle the information thank you very much. I mean how far can political correctness go? This paper is straight useless most of the time.

They put up the first 'Cesar Chavez' signs on SE 39th ave I hear, I refuse to comply. Not because of any disrespect to the man or his deeds, but to the way the city council (another rant on this at a later date) just shoved the change down everyone's throat without regard to the impact for business owners and residents. It is simple pandering to a special interest group that was loud and obnoxious. Pathetic, what happened to the will of the people?

I went to Hing's in downtown Oregon City Friday night to catch a band I wanted to see, I know a couple of the members. Random Pressure is their name, they play songs most bands would be scared to play, it was a good night of music. Major kudos to those guys!  Second Hand Buzz drummer/vocalist Charlie Swift stepped in for a set or three to help with vocals, he did a great job.  The place was packed for sure. One gripe though, when I pay a cover I don't want to wait 20 minutes for a drink or be surrounded by 1970's wood paneling and the smell of mothballs, I'm just saying!

That is all I got for now...

Blue Tools

You see them in the grocery store, just yakking away lost in conversation. At first it seems they are talking to themselves until you notice the little Borg contraption in their ear, fluttering and blinking in that shade of blue that can only mean "Damn, I'm getting pulled over AGAIN!" or "Brain Tumor Alert!...Brain Tumor Alert!" Then you realize with that rising revulsion that reminds you of that time you swallowed beer can ashtray swill (a separate rant entirely) that you've just crossed the path of a Bluetool in their native habitat. Native habitat being anywhere where a person sees them in public with their blinking ear, blinking with authority and purpose, the purpose of course being so we can secretly hate them and all that they stand for. What do they stand for you ask? Technological superiority, looking down their noses at you while their blinkity blink ridiculousness pitys you for being so 'behind the times'. They are puffer fish, all air (and a few scales I guess) and bluster. They are self-important. Full of themselves. They scoff at the primitive way you hold your Blackberry to your ear like a Geico caveman. They are the enemy.


How do we even know they are talking to someone at all? Sure, they puff out their chests and 'look' like they are in the middle of some important communication, perhaps closing a multi-million dollar real estate deal or arranging some country club booster party for whatever university they are alumi of. But really, I suspect they aren't talking to anyone at all. Maybe, just maybe, they are like the lonely guy at the party that opens his cell phone and pretends to text someone so they aren't the loser dork alone in the corner, or the person that signs up for mailing lists just so they get email of SOME sort, or even the person that dials 'time of day' just to hear someone's voice (if you are under 35, you won't get that reference, sorry.) They 'look' busy, they 'look' professional, and perception after all is everything these days isn't it? Perhaps they are simply avoiding conversation with normal people in the real world that make them nervous, so they pretend to be talking to somebody, anybody. It keeps them safe. It's simple fear of confrontation in some cases.

Now look, I understand the utility of such devices, I know there are legitimate users and uses of this technology. I myself have a Bluetooth headset that I leave in my car for legal reasons. Read "LEAVE IN MY CAR". I don't go all cyberpunk and strap myself with my 15 dollar Radio Shack hardware and cruise the street looking for geek chicks, dig? Ipods? Okay I get that, music players are cool. Having your tunes with you wherever you go is a great thing. But why the Bluetooth headset out and about? You can't hold your phone? You need both hands free? Do these people stay jacked into their cellular carrier during geek sex? I think they do. I'm sure it's usually a solo act too, if ya know what I'm saying.

Have you ever been in line in front of one of these self-absorbed wanna-be's? You hear someone talking, so you turn around and say "Pardon me?" just so they can say "Oh, sorry I'm on the phone" with that oh-so important look while they are gesticulating towards their earhole with their finger. I've been there and it is not pretty. Sometimes it's all you can do to not give the jerk a Bluetooth nose implant. I've danced that dance friends. Self-restraint is severely tested during such encounters believe me. It really does feel like you may be doing the world a service, but occasionally it is best to leave well enough alone. Let sleeping dogs lie.

Bluetools. They're in the stores, malls, the DMV, adult video stores (so I've heard), libraries, the gym, all freaking over the place. They think they are cool, and we should just leave them with that illusion. We need to take the high road. Be the better person. It is much safer that way after all. Pulling the earpiece off of one of these freaks and smashing it into heel butter would be the same as pulling the Soduku book out of a tweeker's hands or re-gifting that 10,000 piece Sistine Chapel jigsaw puzzle with the one missing piece. Some scary shit could end up happening.

Walking With Chewie 01-23-10

Another fine spring day in January (yes this get's the mind racing with Climate Change paranoia!) and the dog wants another walk, oblivious to his master's plans for the day.  Luckily for him, walkin the dog is always on the agenda... :)

As usual, he's raring to go, I can't even get him to stand still for a picture!

 


So on we walk.  Today we're going to quest to the lands of Taralon.  Not to rescue maiden fair nor slay mighty dragons, but to watch Chewie whizz on anything that will stand still for five seconds and snap some pictures.  It is straight criminal to not get out for pleasure on SOME level on a day like today after all.

First we have to go through Ashley Meadows park a block and a half to the East

Not a bad park, as far as city parks go.  And there is a dog poop bag dispenser at the entryway to the park, yes there is a method to my madness today on our route!  I'm out of doggy poopy bags.
 
So we traverse the soggy, muddy hillside to enter the gates of....TARALON!!!!
Of course the first damn thing you see is another park.  This one has a sign posted warning "non-Taroloners" that they are not welcome here, nay even TRESPASSING.  We're scared naturally, so we go the other way (plus you see one cheap public jungle gym, you've seen them all).
  
Now like many of the hills above us, the Taralon neighborhood is not finished, in fact I would say only 7-8% of the lots here have homes, so it's even more post-apocalyptic then most of the other neighborhoods around here.  
Here's a nice intersection, the corner of Nothing st. and Nada ave.  The section of orange 'barrier' that's trampled down has a path leading into those woods, some beer cans and condom wrappers litter the underbrush, ah youth.

 
As you can see the housing bubble bursting has spared some nice natural space.  Hopefully for a good, long while.  Snakes and gophers need someplace to party too you know!

And if you needed proof of their eventual intent out here, well here you go skeptics!

 



So we're walking towards the 'lake' at the corner of Taralon.  It's really not a lake, but a collection of water runoff from the hills below.  It has to go somewhere after all, but the ducks don't seem to know the difference.

Ducks just are not picky creatures after all.  Besides it sure beats most of the scenery around here that man-made crap has ruined. 

 It does not look quite as pristine however from a distance.




  
There are some interesting walks you can take out and about.  I work in Tualatin and they have a pretty decent art walk/nature walk trail system that I may blog about sometime.  Part of my "Urban Nature" series...keep an eye out for it!  :)  I just need a decent camera and I could just go slighty crazy with this stuff.  I'm glad no one really reads it.

On the far side of the 'lake' is a drain system access point (I made that term up by the way, I don't know what they really call it.)  Raised cages over the pipe system.

Kind of a trippy looking thing that just does not fit into the whole "Feng Shui" of the area if you ask me.

  


A shot down the hole gives you this view of the pipe ends, with an exposed section where you can see the water flowing somewhere.  How did I get such a good picture you are wondering?

 

Because as you can see, they don't LOCK THE DAMN THINGS!!  Those pipes are pretty wide too, wide enough for some small kid to get stuck in a pipe for sure.  I find this somewhat ridiculous.  Of course if I were a six year old kid, I'd think it was way cool, and probably get stuck in a pipe in the process.


We walk further along and there is a lone house in the trees to the South East.  A holdover from the ol' days of Happy Valley, probably refused to sell his land.  Bravo to these folks, the developers can just go take a flying leap!

 It's kind of hard to see, being a brown house and all, but I still think it's cool.  They have a long gravel road leading from basically nowhere to their gated driveway.  That must REALLY piss off the mailperson AND the garbage man.  Again good for them!!


So we turn back through the heart of Taralon, cavort with a pair of Chocolate labs (man, people LOVE to let dogs run loose out here, kind of cool!) and head towards home.

 Another shot of ye olde empty TARALON!

 More empty lots in the distance.

 
Now this is kind of cool, a circle of very large rocks that seemingly have no purpose.  Local legend however tells of the dark rites and sacrifices that have taken place within this ring of deadly magic.  Oh yeah, and the Tooth Fairy says hi.

 

Bridge over troubled waters? 

More empty lots.  You can tell they still kinda keep the landscaping up though.  Gotta keep the landscapers working!

Ah, the secret to the landscaping is revealed.  It turns out that this is actually Fluer De Lawn!!  That's French for "Plant it and fuggedaboutit".  It apparently cutting edge, eco-friendly ground cover that is pimped on this website: 

www.protimelawnseed.com/about-us/fleur-de-lawn/

What urban nature walk after all is complete without some environmentally progressive references?  Puhleeze...we are all about sustainability and being one with nature on this blog after all.  We've seen Avatar not once, but TWICE!!  So c'mon...

Until next time... :)

I Burn Out Streetlights With My Mind

I am not joking. I burn out streetlights with my mind. Too often I am walking or driving (it does not seem to matter which) down the road at dusk or in the dark of night, and a street lamp in front of me just suddenly goes dark. Just "poof", then it is out. Creepy stuff for sure. In the city, in the country, at the penitentiary, it just does not seem to matter. I have 'The Power'.

Now I write this knowing full well the risk of people thinking that "I'm a little out there", or "nutso" (as the Fonz would say) but it is true! True feats in life must be accomplished in spite of the naysayers, the non-believers, and the unenlightened. You cannot ridicule me with any real effect after all, I am married. I am used to it. Immune to it. Bring it on.

Speaking of marriage I have brought this up several times to my wife who, to her credit, does not simply run screaming in the other direction, drain our bank account, and then file for divorce. Her take on this is "well Allen, maybe the light was going to burn out anyway and it's just a coincidence". That is such a smarmy, wife type of thing to say by the way. However, I know that it is no mere coincidence. I have a mysterious connection that occasionally overtaxes the electrodes in high-pressure sodium bulbs. My apologies to any caretakers of grow houses I may have walked or driven by unintentionally, but hey, I did not know! There is no political motivation here. I have no control over this power, if I could figure this out and bottle it up the world would be my oyster, but alas, I cannot. I simply have 'The Power'. I am like Cyclops without the dark glasses, like an atom splitting outside of a reactor, dispersing generous amounts of destruction wherever I go.

I have tried to channel this power in other ways, and one day I just might get it. I feel like I have come pretty close at times. I've tried to mentally change traffic lights from red to green, stall the motors of jerks in traffic that cut me off, manipulate those stupid little ping pong balls during bingo night (Powerball won't work I don't think, I believe that proximity is a major factor), force the shirts up of ladies on the dance floor with a stare (this sometimes DOES work), flatten the tires of those who would swoop that parking space from me at the mall, all kinds of stuff. No real success, but just enough of a residual high from the 'attempt' to believe that it is there, I just have to keep trying. And I will, oh I will.

I have done my due diligence on this and researched the standard lifespan of a sodium bulb (high pressure, remember) to try to debunk this theory. The mean lifespan of a high-pressure sodium bulb is 24000 hours (thank you Google and the first link that I clicked on!) That is 1,000 days. 142.85 weeks. 2.75 years. So let us say that the average street has oh, 100 lamps on it. Let us say I pass roughly a quarter of them during my time on that street. Let us further say that I drive at night on an average of 37 streets. Let us also say that I've had at least three cups of coffee that day and need to use the restroom (since we are supposing, let us suppose, there could be a correlation!) So that would equal 3,700 lamps divided by 4 (25% remember), which comes out to 925 lamps a night I pass. Therefore, I have 925 opportunities to cause a bulb to burn out on a nightly basis. Let us further say that it takes 15 seconds between when I am in view of a street lamp in a moving vehicle until I have passed it. NOW we can do some math (and completely disregard the walking portion of this jumbled equation, along with rate of travel, light placement density, etc).

24000 hours / 15 seconds = 24000 x 240 (since 15 seconds x 4 = 1 minute and 60 minutes = 1 hour.) So that comes out to 5,760,000. Now also remember that I have 925 opportunities to do this so 5,760,000 / 925 = 6227. What that says is that this phenomenon should ONLY occur oh, every 17 years or so. Folks, that just ain't true. It happens to me at least on a weekly basis, and those are only the times that I NOTICE IT!

Therefore, the scientific mind can only concur that I have 'The Power'. At this point only a clueless fool could dispute it. My mental mojo is the electrical equivalent of the Bermuda Triangle. If anyone cares to debate this, well I am all ears. Just be careful not to get me too upset, or I just might get angry. Your streetlights would not like me when I am angry.

The Square Peg Fits

Try to fit me into other's design
A mess of complexity hard to define
Push the wrong buttons is all one can do
The square peg fits if you bully it through

Shape in the image of your perfect dream
Fill your holes, narcissistic scheme
Defined not by deed, symbiotic of course
The square peg fits if you use enough force

Laying your hands upon all interaction
Attempt to manipulate every reaction
Love on the surface, control underneath
The square peg fits if you've sharp enough teeth

A wild soul trapped within sweet velvet walls
Blind to life and deaf to it's calls
Stricken by longing and prey to fool's gold
The square peg fits but now everything's cold

Splinters remain that define what once thrived
The one that exists now purely contrived
If desire exists in spite of one's soul
Then the square peg fits despite the round hole

Walking with Chewie 01-16/17-10

This is a two-part walk, a Saturday and Sunday adventure. This was a busy weekend, and Saturday's walk wasn't very far, but we still got in a good 30 minutes or so...

Chewie really doesn't care where we go, as long as there are plenty of horizontal targets of his territorial whizzes (signposts, lampposts, trees and such.) Here he is raring to go:

He wanted to take his chewball with him that time, but no dice. He'd just drop it less then a minute into our stroll and I'd have to carry the damn thing the rest of the way. Sorry dog.

So we go by the elementary school by the homestead and the Friends of Trees are at it again beautifying the neighborhood (you may remember them from a previous walk.) This kind of stuff just warms the old heart, too many people don't give a crap about nature and our world, it's nice to see those that do hard at work:

No, I didn't go over and take pictures of them digging holes, the grass is WAY wet, besides we're on a tight time line here today.

So we walk by the 'circle' that's a few blocks from our house. This is a park behind the Albertson's strip mall that the local teenagers like to hang out in, skate, play basketball, sneak cigarettes when they 'think' we aren't noticing...my stepson was a regular here before moving to California, and my daughter Chelsea is starting to get to that age. I guess we all had this type of hangout, for me it was the 'wall' outside of school and we'd skip class, play hackysack, and do 'stuff'...

Not a great zoom on this camera unfortunately. One day I'm going to get a Canon EOS Rebel but I can't afford a pot to piss in currently, but here's a pic of one...

Pretty sweet eh? I think so. Anyway...

We continue the walk through our cookie cutter neighborhood (we're staying in the flat lands today, not enough time for the hills) and of course every once in a while you come across an interesting house:

I know, it's just a gate!! I know...but the house behind it was all right. Not breathtaking, and the neighborhood is cramped and rather vanilla, but to appreciate seeing this you have to see the view from the top of this same driveway, just pointing down the street...

So why is this so interesting? For me it's just out of place, and I get a small thrill at such things when I'm walking around. The kind of people that live there might make an interesting story after all, kind of the 'big fish in a little pond' syndrome. I'm sure their house would be a sugar shack in someplace like the hills above here, or Dunthorpe, or any nicer neighborhood.

What can I say? These kind of things tend to blow up my skirt so to speak. I'm a cheap date that way, my wife appreciates this very much I assure you.

So anyway we circle back around the row of townhouses, through the apartment complex and through the Albertson's strip mall back towards home. Strip malls for the most part are not an endearing aspect of American landscape, but I'm kind of fond of this one:

Besides it has a Godfather's as you can see. It's not TERRIBLE pizza, I can bring the kiddo, drink cheap beer, watch whatever game on the big screen, and the video poker den is just behind the faux saloon doors under the wide screen. Maybe I'll shoot a shot of that one day for y'all.

End of Saturday Walk.

SUNDAY, SUNDAY, SUNDAY!!!

We were going to go to the gym today, but I felt bad for cheating ol' Chewie on yesterday's walk so I thought we should go up into the hills to elevate the heart rate instead. Shirley (my lovely wife) decided to come along which was awesome!! It's hard shooting pictures and restraining 100 lbs of Labrador beast at the same time after all...Chewie is always down for a walk of course:

The first thing that happens is that we're accosted by two golden retrievers on the top of the first stairwell. They are running loose and wanted to check out Chewie. I could not get a pic of this since I was concerned about Shirley and Chewie becoming retriever Alpo five minutes into the damn walk! Turns out they just wanted to play, but they were pretty large dogs themselves so you have to be on guard. Their owner embarressed and apologetic, tried dragging them away on a few occasions with varying success. Hey if you're going to let your dogs run around, at least have them trained to come on command!! We assured her that we weren't the suing types, and eventually went on our way.

So we were in the hills, pushing the pace so I could test the usefulness of my new Sharper Image heart monitor. It's a contraption that older guys should wear when doing aerobic crap so that you know if you are pushing yourself hard enough to do any good or not. So we end up in a familiar cul-de-sac, the "Vacant McMansion" circle:

Nothing like seeing the foolish excess of home builder greed going to waste after all...

We go up another stairway behind the middle house to the next level of homes, and on our way we find what we can only figure is a Voodoo shrine of some sort.

Well, either that or someone's goat threw up on the walkway.

Then we walk by a very "Hitchcock scene"











This was like one house out of HUNDREDS, and the birds really only seemed interested in this one...creepy stuff.

We kept walking, Shirley taking her shift with trying to control the dog, kind of like bull riding combined with dog sledding.  I had to snap the obligatory picture of my two urban nature companions of course... :)

Naturally, they weren't aware of the fact that I was taking a picture.  Sneaky me.

We came across some interesting houses, some pretty, some interesting, a few just FUGLY...here's a rundown of the shots I took on this portion of the walk.

A Quasi-Victorian home, kinda pretty.

I like this one, it even has property and some sort of seclusion going for it, definitely in the top 10 we saw today.

And right next door was this ugly thing.  But I 'am' a sucker for a wrap around porch just about every time.  :)

Another huge monstrosity.  Not ugly, just not my style.  Shirley liked it though.

Okay, I don't really get this.  No yard, and the deck doesn't look that sturdy to me.  You can't see below the photo frame, but the backyard is basically a bark mulch swamp.  Yuk.

Watch that first step, it's a doosey!!






The saving grace through all of this however is both the killer views and the secluded, half finished aspect of much of this area. 

Here's one view.

And another, that's Clackamas High School in the background.

There must be 3-4 miles of loopy, paved roads to nowhere up here.  If you are into bike riding and not having to worry about some drunk kissing your rear tire while slaloming their '77 Caddy down the road, give me a shout and we'll go on a bike tour.  :)  Some of the hills are rather steep though, you'll have to be in some kind of shape to make it very far.


Anyways, we head back home and go to the Carver Hangar for some deep fried food that basically wipes out whatever physical benefit we got from our walk today while watching the Jets squeak a win out over the Chargers.  My kind of Sunday!

The Abuse of Acronyms

I was at work the other day and one of the Engineers pinged me on chat (the main method of communication at our work) with a question mark and the acronym GAM. Now I immediately recognized this as "Got a minute?" but I had never seen anyone use this particular acronym before. It got me to thinking how we are so prone these days to make up acronyms for any common phrase. We don't even need to know them to recognize their meanings anymore.

Acronyms were always common in corporate culture, things like "you need a cover sheet on that TPS (technical product specification) report" from Office Space, a classic movie by the way (BTW), ROI (return on investment) and such. You have military acronyms like SNAFU (situation normal, all f#*ked up) and FUBAR (F#*ked up beyond all recognition). Yes folks in the military seem to like to use F*&K a lot for some reason. A very versatile word BTW, but that's a subject for another post at another time (plus it's been done already). There are educational acronyms like RTFM (Read the F'in manual) and GPA. Then in the 90's came chat, and things freaking exploded. Things like LOL (laughing out loud), ASL (age, sex, location), ROFLMFAO (rolling on floor laughing my f$*king ass off) became common speak amongst first the nerdy youth, and then eventually anyone that could find the spacebar on a computer keyboard. Now it is out of control because of texting. It has straight blown up.

Hey, I understand acronyms are valuable time savers. It helps you avoid carpel tunnel, typing out very common phrases thus saving time, and just makes you a pro I guess. You know the proper acronym, therefore you have been there, done that (BTDT), you're a vet, proficient in shortening things. Woo freaking hoo. I get it. It makes sense, but doesn't it just get a little out of control sometimes? Most people think not.

Well I'm not one to stand against the eventual tide, even I know my hard-headedness often separates me from my fellow humans from time to time. So I'm finally getting into the spirit of things. I am proposing a short list of acronyms I think people should use in everyday life to make things easier. Faster. Less complex. Because lord knows I don't have better things to do with my time.

Time is money people!!

To a lady you've eyed at the club:

Can I buy you a drink? CIBYAD?
Hi, would you like to have sex? HWYLTHS?
I have a good job and don't have herpes. IHAGJADHH.
I can't dance, but I do like bumping uglies. ICDBIDLBU.
Is that wimpy looking guy your date? ITWLGYD?

To your buddy regarding a lady you've eyed at the club:

Stay away f$#ker, she's mine! SAFSM!
Did you see that camel toe? DYSTCT?
Isn't that your wife over there? ITYWOT? (Careful with this one)

At band practice:

Man, you are going too fast! MYAGTF! (Ladies, this also works during sex)
PLEASE tune your guitar! PTYG!
Can I bum a smoke? CIBAS?
Quit bringing your girlfriend to practice! QBYGTP!
SOMEONE needs a shower... SNAS...

During Job Interviews:

I show up on time, and I don't steal company supplies. ISUOTAIDSCS.
I always give 110 Percent. IAGOHATP.
I'm a people person! IAPP!

During Sex:

Do you want to get on top? DYWTGOT?
Where did you put the f$*king KY? WDYPTFKY?
I think I'm too fat for the batman suit! ITITFFTBS!
Man, you are going too fast! MYAGTF! (yes, some are good across different categories.)

You get the idea. Life is too short to have to string together long, muti-syllabic words and hope that the person we're talking to really gets or cares about the concept you're trying to communicate anyway. So let's not waste their time or ours. Figure out the most common phrases you use in life (it helps to have a Captain Morgan and Diet Coke on hand for this exercise!) Make a list. Share it with your friends. Show them you REALLY FREAKING CARE ABOUT THEM (RFCAT) by saving them a few precious seconds they can better utilize by mining for nose gold or maybe even scratching their itchy spots. Stop thinking about yourselves.

Acronyms are here to stay, so we might as well go along for the ride.

Reminiscence

You were always there - my partner in misery
Guiding me though the gates of despair
Telling me the things I wanted to hear
When I faced the world you were always there
Telling me the things that brought ruin

You would stand by me and drown with me
Tearing me down and stealing my soul
Taking me places I'd willingly go
My mind became wrecked by your powerless spectre
Taking me to places where nothing grows

Now there is nothing but stained memories
Partners in crime that have run out of time
Turning your back when I call your name
How things can change when the years lay claim
Turning your back just the same

Followers vs. Stalkers

The question was posed recently to me "What is the difference between a follower and a stalker?". Well this one's been simmering on the back burner for a few days now, but I think I can offer some semi-cognitive thoughts on the subject at this point. Close this page now if you value productivity and sanity.

Essentially on the surface we're talking about the same thing, just a variance of degree. A stalker can be considered an extreme follower. They'll follow you through thick or thin, through the grocery store, the mall, while you're picking up your kid at school, watch you from afar when you're spending quality time with your significant other. Hell they may even start stalking her, or at least offer a few tame death threats. We're talking about a combination of admirer, swimfan, and freak basically. Anything 'extreme' has a level of psychosis attached to it after all. Look at Extreme Rock Climbing, uh huh, I thought so. Case closed on that.

However this is a much too general of a brush with which to paint this topic, so I will offer some core differences. I owe this much to you, since you'll never get this ten minutes of your life back. It's a done deal.

A 'Follower' is someone that appreciates what you do professionally and/or artistically. This is generally some type of admiration. Maybe one follows a teacher that helped shape their life during a formative period, a fireman that rescued their kitten from the tree their little brother stuck it in when you weren't looking, or a musician whose music they like and can identify with perhaps. The recipient of this attention is generally grateful, although when they achieve a certain amount of recognition and fame they may become downright dismissive (in which case I'd stalk the self-absorbed prick myself, but that's just me.) At any rate, these are normal people that most of us that endeavor to do something interesting quite value.

A 'Stalker' is also someone that appreciates what you do professionally and/or artistically. Oh yeah, and they also want to bear your children and will attempt to kill any other bitch that dares try. (I don't mean to be gender specific here, but hey I'm a dude, okay??) They also will purchase your works like a normal fan, but you'll also see things like your song titles tattooed on their bodies, full size posters of candid shots of you at Costco on their walls, their children and pets all named after you, etc. They will come to shows and offer prolonged eye contact that will give you nightmares, send you emails that would make Rob Zombie frightened, and randomly allow themselves to be seen by you at numerous points of the day on street corners, nightclubs, and nail salons (forget that last one, that was ONE time!) Basically it's Play Misty For Me mixed in with Deliverance. Not a good trip at all.

So I guess we all want followers because they validate what we do, whether we help those in need or create beauty. In other words they are fans of our work.

We do NOT want stalkers because they creep us out, pretty much ruin any chance we have of being involved in a romantic relationship, and they make us fear taking showers. In other words they're Facebook friends.

Walking With Chewie 01-09-10

Part of an ongoing series of walking, snapping photos, and writing about it. Careful if you fall asleep from boredom to not drown in your breakfast cereal!!

So today me and Chewie decided to walk the flatlands of the area we live in, otherwise known as Happy Valley, Oregon...suburban claptrap bedroom community just southeast of Po' Town. Chewie as usual is amped up!

We start out walking by the local elementary school, there is a nature trail that start off to the far side. Here is the school:

And the nature trail starts just to the left of what you see above. It's a cool little trail, the ground however is quite swampy and you have to be careful when you're walking or you'll totally wreck your shoes. Here's the trail:

All of the blue tree protectors are recent, due to the efforts of the Friends of Trees (friendsoftrees.org), an awesome organization that is trying to green up the Portland area. Check out their website, they have great deals on yard trees also!

Of course no urban nature walk is complete without some teenage chaos present, be it beer cans, empty smoke packs, used condoms, the usual 'innocence lost' crap you see in city nature areas. Hey I've been there! No sactimonious bullshit here, it is a shame when this type of rubbish mars the scenery though... :( In this case it was 'hey, let's knock down the wetland sign!" :

So anyway we're walking the trail, at times you can almost imagine you are in the deep woods because it's a nice trail, but then the sound of traffic or a shot of someone's backyard peeps ya through the trees and shatters the illusion. For city walking though, it's not too shabby:

So then we run out of nature and we're back in the neighborhood. Nice houses, but all too similar to really stand out. Which makes it pretty and bland all at the same time. I suspect when the last kidling is out of the house (she's 14 right now) we will look at either a more rural setting or urban setting. I can dig either 'out in the middle of nowhere' or 'in the middle of the city', suburbia isn't really our style. But hey it's for the kids. :) Anyway I digress, we continue our walk. Here is something I don't get. "hey, let's paint our house teal!" Really? What were you smoking??

Trust me, the picture does not do justice to how this color clashes with absolutely everything around it. Not that 'fitting in' is something to strive for mind you, but be tasteful in your independant style, please? :)

Here is an interesting looking car (sorry, don't know what type.) Economical, sophisticated, 4 wheel drive...or in plain english, scary UGLY!

Now we're almost back home. I took a snapshot of this streetsign just to wax on a little about a pet peeve of mine, mis-named streets. Look, if it's Riverside Dr. cool, but be next to a river, okay? Same with Cliffview Terrace, Mountainside Road, you get the picture. So this one is Thornbridge Dr. The street is a total of like four blocks long, no rose bushes, berry brambles, or for that matter any damn BRIDGES!! Grrrrrrrr...

Ok, I'm better now, thank for letting me vent. :)

Not much more to see on this walk. Chewie did his business and I'm swinging a plastic bag full of jettisoned recycled dog food, so I cut it a little short. Besides it's starting to rain. Until next week!!