HO HO HO. Flying through the air giving toys to the good boys and girls. Yes, we've always kind of taken Santa for granted. After all he's a saint, right? Good ol' Saint Nick...cheery, altruistic, and magical. Well today I've decided to look a little deeper into this rotund and happy icon of the Christmas season, and I'm not really liking what I'm seeing...
What is he teaching our kids? How to be healthy, fit, and in shape? Hardly. He's grossly overweight, most likely from only getting up off of his ass like, once a year? I'm sure sliding down chimneys can be hard work, but there is a damn plate of cookies and a glass of milk at the bottom of most of them, you think he's burning enough calories to make up for this? The Reindeer do all the heavy lifting, and they get what, purina deer chow? And what about the red cheeks? A sure sign of an alcohol issue. Our kids are not learning anything positive from him here.
Okay, so he's giving toys to the good boys and girls. This on the surface seems like a kind act, but c'mon!! Who is he to judge 'good vs bad'? Are we following Christian doctrine here? What are the established core values? Santa's kind of full of himself if you ask me. He's teaching our kids to be judgmental, to take things at face value. After all, he's checking a damn LIST!! What type of in depth investigation is that?
Now to the Elves. They are the ones slaving 364 days a year making all the damn toys, and all the kids really want these days is money, ipods, and designer clothing! So at best this is a gross mis-allocation of resources. At worst he's running a damn sweat shop full of diminutive minorities! This is also what's known as the 'Oompah Loompah' syndrome. Take in a bunch of disadvantaged workers, give them three squares, an existence, and you get to look all 'fatherly' while exploiting them for labor and product. Please, he's a damn slave trader is what he is!
And what about this "be good and you'll get what you want for Christmas?" Since when does the world work like that? If you're an adult you have to scrape, sweat, and toil for the things you have in life, unless you're a kid and you have parents to maliciously exploit for material gain. And that's really the lesson here, isn't it? How about "Clean your room and mow the damn lawn and you'll get something you want?" Isn't that a positive, yet realistic message? Your boss at work could give a shit if you say your prayers every night and floss daily. They want results DAMMIT!! This message is just setting up our kids for future failure.
So I can only conclude that Santa is a farce, a negative idol, and pretty much a leech on society. It's time to move on from this archaic, outdated figure of the holidays and find something just a little more representative of the REAL spirit of Christmas. Someone that stands for hard work, being honest, and just plain putting their head down and getting the damn job done!!
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