The Abuse of Acronyms

I was at work the other day and one of the Engineers pinged me on chat (the main method of communication at our work) with a question mark and the acronym GAM. Now I immediately recognized this as "Got a minute?" but I had never seen anyone use this particular acronym before. It got me to thinking how we are so prone these days to make up acronyms for any common phrase. We don't even need to know them to recognize their meanings anymore.

Acronyms were always common in corporate culture, things like "you need a cover sheet on that TPS (technical product specification) report" from Office Space, a classic movie by the way (BTW), ROI (return on investment) and such. You have military acronyms like SNAFU (situation normal, all f#*ked up) and FUBAR (F#*ked up beyond all recognition). Yes folks in the military seem to like to use F*&K a lot for some reason. A very versatile word BTW, but that's a subject for another post at another time (plus it's been done already). There are educational acronyms like RTFM (Read the F'in manual) and GPA. Then in the 90's came chat, and things freaking exploded. Things like LOL (laughing out loud), ASL (age, sex, location), ROFLMFAO (rolling on floor laughing my f$*king ass off) became common speak amongst first the nerdy youth, and then eventually anyone that could find the spacebar on a computer keyboard. Now it is out of control because of texting. It has straight blown up.

Hey, I understand acronyms are valuable time savers. It helps you avoid carpel tunnel, typing out very common phrases thus saving time, and just makes you a pro I guess. You know the proper acronym, therefore you have been there, done that (BTDT), you're a vet, proficient in shortening things. Woo freaking hoo. I get it. It makes sense, but doesn't it just get a little out of control sometimes? Most people think not.

Well I'm not one to stand against the eventual tide, even I know my hard-headedness often separates me from my fellow humans from time to time. So I'm finally getting into the spirit of things. I am proposing a short list of acronyms I think people should use in everyday life to make things easier. Faster. Less complex. Because lord knows I don't have better things to do with my time.

Time is money people!!

To a lady you've eyed at the club:

Can I buy you a drink? CIBYAD?
Hi, would you like to have sex? HWYLTHS?
I have a good job and don't have herpes. IHAGJADHH.
I can't dance, but I do like bumping uglies. ICDBIDLBU.
Is that wimpy looking guy your date? ITWLGYD?

To your buddy regarding a lady you've eyed at the club:

Stay away f$#ker, she's mine! SAFSM!
Did you see that camel toe? DYSTCT?
Isn't that your wife over there? ITYWOT? (Careful with this one)

At band practice:

Man, you are going too fast! MYAGTF! (Ladies, this also works during sex)
PLEASE tune your guitar! PTYG!
Can I bum a smoke? CIBAS?
Quit bringing your girlfriend to practice! QBYGTP!
SOMEONE needs a shower... SNAS...

During Job Interviews:

I show up on time, and I don't steal company supplies. ISUOTAIDSCS.
I always give 110 Percent. IAGOHATP.
I'm a people person! IAPP!

During Sex:

Do you want to get on top? DYWTGOT?
Where did you put the f$*king KY? WDYPTFKY?
I think I'm too fat for the batman suit! ITITFFTBS!
Man, you are going too fast! MYAGTF! (yes, some are good across different categories.)

You get the idea. Life is too short to have to string together long, muti-syllabic words and hope that the person we're talking to really gets or cares about the concept you're trying to communicate anyway. So let's not waste their time or ours. Figure out the most common phrases you use in life (it helps to have a Captain Morgan and Diet Coke on hand for this exercise!) Make a list. Share it with your friends. Show them you REALLY FREAKING CARE ABOUT THEM (RFCAT) by saving them a few precious seconds they can better utilize by mining for nose gold or maybe even scratching their itchy spots. Stop thinking about yourselves.

Acronyms are here to stay, so we might as well go along for the ride.